How to believe in yourself: 6 ways to build confidence

Everyone experiences self-doubt and fear at times. But it's hard to figure out how to overcome it and build self-confidence when met with platitudes.

"Just have faith in yourself!" "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" These sayings are well-intentioned, but not helpful when you're in the middle of a negative spiral. When you’re struggling to believe in yourself, what you need to know is how to increase your resilience and overcome self-doubt. 

With the right mindset and strategies, you can begin believing in yourself, building confidence, and taking action—even when you’re scared or overwhelmed.

How to finally start believing in yourself

We are constantly bombarded with messages about who we should be. "To be the best partner, friend, or person, do X." "To be fully authentic and good, you have to do Y." These external expectations can make it easy to lose sight of who you are and what truly matters to you.

Relying on others to define your value also keeps you from building true confidence in yourself. Instead of believing in yourself and taking action on your dreams, you become paralyzed by perfectionism and self-doubt.  

Author and professor Brené Brown writes, "Overcoming self-doubt is all about believing we're enough and letting go of what the world says we're supposed to be and supposed to call ourselves." True self-belief comes from within, not from comparison, achievement, or approval.

Part of believing in yourself is defining success on your own terms. Instead of wondering how you stack up against others' achievements, turn inward. Consider what a fulfilling life looks like for you—not just in career or accomplishments, but in relationships, personal growth, and well-being. 

By mapping out a vision for your life and taking small, imperfect steps toward it, you’ll strengthen your sense of self-belief. Each step forward will reinforce your ability to trust yourself and create a life aligned with what you truly want.

Why is it so hard to believe in myself?

Maybe you’ve set clear goals, but feel like you self-sabotage your attempts to accomplish them.  Or maybe you know exactly who you want to become but are plagued by self-doubt. If you're still lacking belief in yourself, one of these three habits might be to blame.

1. You're playing the comparison game

Your best friend just got her dream promotion. Your brother finally got married. While everyone else's outlooks are positive, your desires are unfulfilled, and you feel like your life is awful. 

It may not be easy in the moment, but take a step back. Just because someone else is thriving doesn't mean your life is terrible. And just because you think others are doing amazing, doesn't mean they are.

If you find yourself stuck in a comparison cycle, try one of these tips to break free:

• Unfollow or mute people on social media who make you feel insecure and question your self-esteem.
• Remind yourself that social media shows someone's highlight reel, not the messy truth of their life.
• Focus on gratitude by writing down three things you're grateful for each day.
• Challenge yourself to text a friend that you're proud of them.
• Reframe your envy into a goal. For example, if your friend just ran a marathon, outline your own fitness goal and what you can do to accomplish it.

Objectively evaluate why someone achieved your goal. If they got the promotion you wanted, maybe they have skills you're still learning. This will help you see that as you grow, you’ll be able to achieve your goals, too.

2. You're stuck on your past mistakes

Self-reflection is a good thing, but not at the expense of your mental health. If you find yourself ruminating on childhood trauma, unhealthy relationships, a breakup, or anything else from your past, talking to a mental health professional is a great way to move forward and heal. 

Also, take the time to forgive yourself. You may have failed in the past, but those mistakes don't have to define you. You're a different person with more knowledge and experience now. You deserve to embrace every part of yourself and move forward with courage. Forgiveness is not a weakness. As Mahatma Gandhi noted, "Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."

Here are some ideas to help you let go of the past:

• Practice meditation or mindfulness.
• Learn positive visualization.
• Make time weekly for self-care.
• Take time to grieve what could have been.
• Explore radical acceptance—the practice of fully accepting situations as they are, even when they’re uncomfortable or painful. 
• Know that you have the power to move on and heal, whether others apologize to you or not.
• Choose to take one small, messy action each day. You'll feel better about yourself and your abilities as you make progress.
• Work with a mental health professional or coach to overcome fears and build new skills.

3. Your relationships with others aren't supportive

Motivational speaker and author Tony Robbins says, “Proximity is power.” The people you spend time with affect your dreams, mindset, and motivation.

If a friend constantly puts you down or a parent or colleague makes you feel small, their negativity can erode your sense of self over time. By contrast, research shows that strong, supportive relationships can make challenges feel more manageable. One study even found that people perceived a hill as less steep when standing alongside a friend. 

When you’re surrounded by people who encourage and uplift you, believing in yourself becomes easier. Building a network of positive, supportive relationships can reinforce your self-confidence and help you navigate self-doubt with greater resilience.

If you’re struggling to believe in yourself, seek out people who inspire you to be your best self and have faith in you when things get hard. You shouldn't feel drained, negative, or plagued with self-doubt after spending time with your loved ones. If any of those feelings resonate with you, you may need to spend less time with those people. You may even need to cut them out of your life completely.

If some of your relationships are no longer serving you, here are some actions you can take to improve your social circle:

• Establish clear boundaries around how you want to be treated—and what you'll do if people ignore them.
• Learn about toxic personality traits to watch out for so you can better avoid challenging relationships in the future.
• Spend more time with friends and family whom you trust and who care about your well-being.
• Connect with people who have shared interests through apps like Facebook or Bumble BFF.
• Join a group centered around your favorite hobby, like a book club or fitness class.
• Volunteer for a cause you're passionate about.

6 ways to boost your self-belief and start taking action

Building self-confidence takes practice, but every step forward strengthens your belief in yourself. Below are six ways you can make a change and start to feel better about yourself.

1. Improve your mindset

Your mindset shapes how you see the world, yourself, and others. A critical inner voice can fuel doubt and inaction. But an empathetic, encouraging inner monologue will create confidence and self-belief. 

There are many ways to improve your mindset. If you're a reader, find books that teach you how to embrace a growth mindset or educate you on a new topic. If you prefer audio, listen to empowering podcasts instead. Talk with people you know who've embraced a growth mindset about how they got to where they are. You can also work with a coach to form new thought patterns and habits. 

Remember to give yourself grace and flexibility as your mindset shifts. Life will still have its ups and downs, and learning a new way of thinking takes time. Commit to putting in the work. Over time, you'll be equipped to handle whatever comes your way. 

2. Learn to advocate for yourself

When negative thoughts pop up, reply with positive self-talk. When someone pushes your boundaries, gently and firmly reiterate your standards. Your voice matters, and you deserve to be defended.

As with growing your mindset, learning to advocate for yourself takes time. Start with small, low-risk situations and build from there. Using habit stacking—pairing a new behavior with an existing one—can help make self-advocacy a natural part of your routine. For example, if you order a latte with oat milk but receive one with regular milk, practice speaking up by calmly asking for a correction. 

When you practice self-advocacy in safe spaces, you receive positive reinforcement. This shows you that self-advocacy works and isn't as scary as it might feel. This grows the confidence you need to work up to more challenging situations over time and stand firm when facing pushback. 

3. Embrace failure as a chance to learn 

The way you respond to mistakes shapes your confidence. A critical inner voice that focuses on shortcomings can reinforce self-doubt, while a more realistic and encouraging mindset helps you see failure as a learning opportunity. Recognizing that mistakes are part of growth allows you to move forward with resilience and self-trust.

To rebuild your self-belief, focus on empowering the second track. Learn to welcome risk and reframe failures as chances to grow. Reflect on mistakes when they happen; view your failures as feedback. Ask yourself how you can keep growing and building new skills. 

Once you've reflected, push through the obstacles. Release the past and embrace the actions you can take now because of your new knowledge. Messy action is better than inaction; incremental progress is better than perfection. Failure is inevitable. Remember that you are a person who is allowed to fail sometimes and see mistakes as one step on the path to success. 

4. Celebrate your wins, big and small

Big achievements, like a major promotion, often get the most recognition. But true confidence is built in the small, everyday victories, like choosing to walk around the block for 30 minutes despite feeling unmotivated, speaking up in a meeting, or following through on a commitment. 

Coaching emphasizes the importance of sitting with these wins, fully acknowledging and appreciating them. Taking a moment to recognize your progress reinforces self-belief and helps you trust in your ability to keep going.

Just because it's a small win doesn't mean it's not worth celebrating. Noticing the small things helps you grow in mindfulness, honor your humanity, and increase your self-esteem. You're reminding yourself that you can make steady, consistent progress. Even the smallest steps can help you achieve the greatest distances. 

Celebrate your wins in whatever way feels right to you. For some people, celebrating looks like getting a massage or booking a spa day. For others, it could mean getting a cup of coffee and reading a book at their favorite cafe. Spotlight your achievements, build momentum, and move forward in self-confidence. 

5. Learn and leverage your strengths

Some people will tell you to work on your weaknesses. In reality, you'll often end up on the fast track to discouragement, disappointment, and frustration. Working on weaknesses is hard. It takes time. If it's coming at the expense of your confidence and self-belief, it might be time to change course. 

You'll increase progress and boost motivation more by focusing on your strengths. If you're not sure what your strengths are, start with a free personality test online. Or, take some time to reflect and journal on the activities you enjoy most. For example, do you love pitching new ideas at work and giving presentations? Or do you feel most at home taking instructions, running with them, and supporting your team?

Seek out opportunities to leverage your strengths. Set goals based on them, and lean on others in the areas where you need and want extra support. You'll see success more quickly and boost your self-belief. 

6. Take care of yourself

If you don't take care of your body, growing your self-belief will be that much harder. Your mind and body are deeply connected—numerous studies show that physical health directly impacts mental well-being and anxiety levels. 

To begin believing in yourself, start with simple self-care practices like eating healthy, whole foods. Stay hydrated and try to limit alcohol, caffeine, and sugar consumption. Settle into an exercise routine you enjoy, and make sure you're getting sufficient sleep. These healthy habits will lay the foundation for a strong mindset and empower you to start believing in yourself again.

Start believing in yourself today

Believing in yourself is about more than a Pollyanna attitude. It's about embracing your uniqueness and opening yourself up to new possibilities. By adopting a mindset that knows you're worthy of success, you'll develop lasting self-confidence.

BetterUp can be the trusted guide and accountability you need as you learn to believe in yourself again. Through technology, coaching, and evidence-based behavioral science, we help people unlock their potential. If you're ready to do the work, a BetterUp Coach can help you get started today.