How to find yourself: 7 steps to create clarity

Maybe you've been on this journey of self-discovery for a while, or maybe you're just beginning. Either way, it can feel like a lifelong process—one filled with moments of clarity and times of uncertainty.

If you're struggling to find yourself, know that you're not alone. A 2022 report from the Harvard School of Education found that 58% of young adults lack a sense of purpose. Half of them also say that not knowing what to do with their lives has hurt their mental health.

This kind of uncertainty often comes from the pressure to meet others’ expectations, making it hard to separate what you truly want from what you feel you should pursue. But self-discovery is about tuning into your values, letting go of outside pressures, and trusting your instincts.

By taking intentional steps forward, you can gain a clearer understanding of who you are, what you value, and where you want to go.

What does it really mean to find yourself?

Finding yourself isn’t a single breakthrough moment—it’s a continuous journey of self-reflection, growth, and intentional action. It requires looking inward, examining past experiences, and making choices that align with your core values. Through this integrated process, you gain self-awareness, clarity about your identity, and the courage to live authentically.

This kind of Inner Work®—the practice of deep self-exploration and healing—takes effort and courage. It often means facing discomfort, challenging limiting beliefs, and letting go of what other people think you should do and be. But with time and intention, self-discovery fosters confidence, resilience, and a strong sense of inner peace. The more you align with your authentic self, the more fulfilling and purpose-driven your life becomes.

The key is to remember that though self-discovery begins with introspection, it doesn’t end there. To find yourself, you also need to take action. To live in alignment with your true self, consider practices such as journaling, setting clear personal goals, seeking therapy or mentorship, practicing mindfulness, and consistently reflecting on your experiences.

Embracing the journey of finding yourself is one of the most empowering and transformative things you can do. The more you honor your true self, the more your life becomes a reflection of your deepest values and desires.

The benefits of taking time to find yourself

Finding yourself is more than just a personal growth exercise—it has tangible benefits for mental well-being, resilience, and overall life satisfaction. Research consistently supports the benefits of finding yourself. For example, a review published in Europe’s Journal of Psychology by researcher Anna Sutton highlights that self-awareness is a key factor in reducing psychological distress and fostering long-term emotional stability.

Sutton’s comprehensive review of research on self-awareness explains that when people take time to reflect on their values, emotions, and beliefs, they become better equipped to manage stress and persist through obstacles

Instead of reacting impulsively or feeling consumed by external pressures, they can respond with greater clarity, intention, and emotional resilience.

While the benefits of self-awareness are clear, neglecting intentional self-reflection can lead to interpersonal challenges and emotional distress. It is important to actively and intentionally commit to a self-discovery practice—in other words, finding yourself—through purposeful reflection. This can significantly enhance emotional intelligence, foster stronger relationships, and create a deeper sense of well-being. 

How to find yourself: 7 steps 

When you prioritize self-discovery, you lay the groundwork for a life you love—one where you can show up fully as yourself and make choices that support your well-being and long-term goals. 

The following steps will help you reconnect with your inner self and develop a greater sense of clarity, direction, and purpose. 

1. Get clear on what matters to you

Finding yourself starts with reflecting on what you truly want from life. Identifying your core values and embracing your authentic self allows you to set meaningful goals and understand what truly motivates you. This deeper self-awareness helps you make choices that align with your values and fosters greater self-acceptance.

To get clear on what matters most, try putting the puzzle pieces together: What do you love about your life currently? What gives you energy and joy? Tools like writing a personal vision statement, journaling, and visualization can help.

2. Visualize the life you want

Next, it’s time to identify what you want from this journey. Visualize what would fulfill you the most in life and let that guide you as you do the Inner Work® required to discover yourself.

There are plenty of ways to reflect on your core values, like creating a vision board, writing in a journal, crafting a life plan, or practicing meditation. Visualization is a powerful way to get started. Try spending a few minutes each morning visualizing your ideal day—from how you feel when you wake up to how you spend your time and who you're with. Consistently returning to this practice, even just a few times a week, can bring clarity to what you want more of. 

You can also ask yourself simple questions like:

• What do I want from my life? 
• Where do I want to be in the next five years?
• What am I proud of so far in my life? 

3. Connect with your inner child

Reconnecting with your inner child is a powerful starting point for self-discovery. Inner child work, first introduced by psychologist Carl Jung, acknowledges that the experiences, needs, and emotions from our early years continue to influence our thoughts, behaviors, and self-worth as adults. 

Inner child work invites you to look back with curiosity and compassion, uncovering what once brought you joy, what you longed for, and what needs may have been left unmet. Start by asking yourself:

• What hobbies and activities did I love as a child?
• Why did I stop participating in them?
• What did I always want to try but never had the chance to?

Revisiting these early passions isn’t just about having fun. It's about healing, expression, and integration. Whether it’s joining a beginner’s ballet class, painting with no expectations, or simply allowing yourself to play again—these small acts of reconnection can reignite creativity, boost emotional well-being, and even improve focus and confidence in your adult life.

Inner child work may also surface deeper emotional patterns, which some refer to as shadow work. Becoming aware of the parts of yourself you've pushed away or forgotten can be uncomfortable, but it’s often where the deepest healing begins. By honoring both your childhood joy and your childhood wounds, you create space for self-acceptance and lasting growth.

4. Spend time alone (intentionally)

Being alone can feel uncomfortable at first—especially if you're used to looking to others for guidance or reassurance. But solitude doesn’t have to mean loneliness. Loneliness is the ache of feeling disconnected, while solitude is a choice to be with yourself on purpose. When approached with care, solitude becomes a nurturing space for reflection and growth.

Spending time alone creates space to hear your own thoughts, reflect without distraction, and reconnect with what truly matters to you. It can boost creativity, spark new ideas, and help you gain clarity on what you want from life. Try taking yourself out to dinner, going on a solo walk without your phone, or meditating in the park. These small acts can build self-trust and confidence over time.

When you give yourself space to be alone, you:

• Make decisions without outside influence.
• Develop a stronger connection to your intuition.
• Open yourself up to spontaneous, meaningful interactions.
• Create room for deeper reflection and personal insight.

While support from others is valuable, no one else can define who you are. Solitude gives you the quiet and clarity needed to find that answer within yourself.

5. Examine your relationships

You can learn a lot about your personality traits, strengths, and weaknesses through your relationships. They show you your fears, help you discover why you have them, and help you get to know yourself better. Some relationships may even highlight certain strengths over others, giving you more valuable insights to help you find yourself. 

That said, some of your friends might be confused by your journey of self-discovery. They might not accept your path, and the opinions they provide may lack the compassion you need. It’s okay if people push back, as long as you’re clear on what you want from this journey. 

Take a moment to reflect on your relationships, both past and present. A healthy relationship is one where you feel safe, respected, and seen for who you truly are—where you can express yourself without fear of judgment, and your boundaries are honored.

Ask yourself the following questions: 

• Are these relationships healthy and beneficial, or do they drain me? 
• How do these relationships impact my mental health and, in turn, my view of myself?
• Am I able to set healthy boundaries in my relationships?
• Do you feel a sense of trust with the people you’re close to? 
• Do you feel like you can be yourself around them? 

Take time to sit with your answers, especially the uncomfortable ones. The next time you talk to someone about your journey, remember that their path doesn’t have to mirror yours. Above all, trust your own feelings and thoughts.

6. Try new things (and get uncomfortable on purpose)

Stepping into unfamiliar territory is one of the fastest ways to learn more about yourself. New experiences—especially those that challenge you emotionally, physically, or creatively—reveal how you respond under pressure, what excites you, and where your natural strengths lie.

Try something that pushes you outside your usual rhythm: take an improv class, sign up for a local hike, or train for a physical challenge like a 5K. Explore movement-based practices like yoga or dance to reconnect with your body in a new way. Or experiment with creative outlets like painting, pottery, or performing in front of a crowd.

These experiences don’t just build skill—they build self-trust. Each time you face discomfort and move through it, you expand your understanding of who you are and what you're capable of. Growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. The more you stretch yourself, the more fully your true self comes into view.

7. Organize and reflect

Your self-discovery journey won’t be linear. There will be moments of doubt, clarity, excitement, and discomfort—and all of it is part of the process. To stay grounded through it all, create a system that helps you stay connected to your progress.

Set aside time weekly to reflect on what you tried, how you felt, and what helped you feel more aligned with your inner self. Journaling, voice notes, or even a simple checklist can help you notice patterns and track your growth over time. Ask yourself: What made me feel most like myself this week? What drained me? What do I want to carry forward?

You don’t have to do it all alone. Working with a coach, therapist, or trusted mentor can provide accountability and support as you navigate the ups and downs. And while there's no finish line for self-discovery, over time, you’ll begin to feel more clear and aligned—which is a powerful sign that you're reconnecting with who you truly are.

Why finding yourself feels hard (and why that’s normal)

Finding yourself is not an easy accomplishment. Self-discovery will require you to respond to distracting chatter from your inner voice. It requires that you make choices and take steps without a clear roadmap. While uncomfortable, this work is essential to your growth. 

When you’re on your way to finding yourself, make it a habit to practice self-care. This could include positive self-talk and affirmations that you say out loud each morning. It could involve getting regular exercise, improving your sleep hygiene, eating nourishing foods, and staying hydrated. 

Be proud of yourself for not only making the decision to find yourself but staying committed to this process. Recognize that every step—both the successes and the missteps—is a valuable lesson that brings you closer to understanding your true self. Each time you learn from a setback, you're growing stronger and more resilient in your pursuit of self-awareness.

The path to finding yourself is waiting 

Finding yourself is a goal that's centered on you, but that doesn’t mean it’s selfish. By taking the time to get to know yourself, you'll become a better partner, parent, sibling, and employee. 

While the journey to finding yourself is deeply personal, it is far from selfish. In fact, the more you understand yourself, the better equipped you are to show up as a supportive, loving partner, parent, sibling, and employee. By being true to yourself, you create deeper, more authentic connections with those around you.

Do you need extra support on your self-discovery journey? A BetterUp Coach can help. Discover how our expert coaches can guide, encourage, and advocate for you as you find yourself.