Having an identity crisis: 9 ways to cope

Everyone experiences major life transitions, but some changes upend our sense of self. When the loss of a loved one or a shift in your career, relationships, or personal beliefs leaves you questioning who you are, it can be overwhelming.

An identity crisis can cause anxiety, confusion, grief, and self-doubt, but it doesn’t have to leave you stuck. Learning how to navigate these moments can help you regain clarity, confidence, and a sense of direction, whether you're facing a career change, the end of a relationship, a midlife crisis, or simply a period of personal growth. 

What is identity and why does it matter? 

According to Psychology Today, identity is the set of characteristics, beliefs, values, and experiences that define who a person is. It can be a tricky concept because identity is shaped by both internal and external factors. As much as we define ourselves, we’re also defined by our relationships, environments, and lived experiences. 

A positive sense of identity is important for social connection and overall well-being. It helps us understand ourselves, form meaningful connections, and feel a sense of belonging. Belonging, in particular, is one of the most important benefits of a stable identity. It helps us feel safe, manage stress, and stay resilient in times of change.

As we move through life—navigating career changes, relationships, personal growth, or major transitions like immigration, relocation, or displacement—our identity naturally expands. For example, someone might see themselves as an ambitious professional in their 20s, then gradually take on new identities as a partner, parent, or community leader.

These identity transitions aren’t disruptions. They’re part of how we grow. Each life stage offers a chance to explore new parts of ourselves and deepen our understanding of who we are.

Why identity crises are a normal part of growth 

An identity crisis can feel deeply uncomfortable, but it’s also a normal part of being human. Psychologist Erik Erikson helped show just how universal this experience is. In his theory of psychosocial development, Erikson outlined key stages of life, each marked by an internal conflict we all work through. One of those stages—identity vs. role confusion—describes the process of forming a sense of self.

This stage typically begins in adolescence, when we start separating from our caregivers and asking big questions like: Who am I, really? But it doesn’t stop there. Throughout adulthood, as our relationships, environments, and goals change, our identity continues to evolve. Erikson’s work reminds us that questioning who we are isn’t a sign something’s wrong—it’s a sign we’re growing.

Think of it this way: A toddler may face a crisis of identity when weaning from breastfeeding, learning where comfort and independence now come from. A teenager might feel disoriented when they stop idealizing their parents and start seeing the world through their own eyes. In adulthood, identity shifts can happen as we take on new roles, like becoming a spouse or a parent. 

When major changes disrupt our roles, values, or sense of purpose, we may struggle to reconcile who we are with who we are becoming. This tension can create uncertainty and self-doubt, making it necessary to redefine our identity in a way that feels authentic and aligned.

These feelings aren’t a sign of failure or confusion—they’re markers of growth. When change invites us to reexamine who we are, it’s not a breakdown of identity, but a reshaping of it. Yes, life transitions can stir up anxiety or uncertainty, but they also invite us to reconnect with ourselves on a deeper level. 

How to know if you’re having an identity crisis

If you think you're having an identity crisis, take a deep breath and check in with yourself. This kind of identity disturbance can be scary, but once you understand what’s happening, you can move forward and get the support you need to cope. 

If you resonate with one or more of these signs, you may be experiencing an identity crisis:  

• Low self-esteem 
• Questioning your value or worth 
• Feeling lost or aimless  
• Not feeling a sense of purpose in life 
• Feeling disconnected from your personal values
• Feeling emotionally scattered (or having difficulty regulating your emotions and behaviors) 
• Increased feelings of insecurity
• Increased feelings of anxiety or depression

8 ways to cope with an identity crisis

If you’re going through an identity crisis, you’re not alone. You can learn how to handle the many emotions that come with an identity crisis and move forward. 

Here are eight ways to cope with an identity crisis: 

1. Ground yourself in your values. 

If you're having an identity crisis, you might need to revisit your core values and beliefs. Or, perhaps you're having a midlife crisis and are ready to redefine what's important to you now compared to when you were in your 20s or 30s. No matter what stage you're in, ask yourself:

• What is most important to me right now?
• What personal beliefs do I want to keep, and which ones am I ready to let go of?
• What values do I want to be part of my personal identity?

2. Cultivate meaningful relationships.

During any identity crisis, people often experience loneliness. This sense of disconnection can make people feel isolated and unsure of where they fit in their social circles and broader community.

Meaningful relationships and human connection offer critical support during times like this. Family members and friends can provide reassurance and perspective as you navigate an identity shift. Strong social connections also foster empathy. When you practice compassion for others, you learn how to extend the same compassion for yourself during times of uncertainty and identity confusion. 

Ultimately, engaging with your community will remind you that your worth isn't defined by a single role or identity, but by the rich, multifaceted person you are and continue to become.

3. Process your emotions. 

When you’re having an identity crisis, it can be tempting to avoid your feelings. During times of significant personal transition, emotions like shame, grief, loneliness, and confusion are completely normal. Questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself can feel overwhelming, but processing these complex emotions is the only way forward.

Spend some time reflecting on and writing down your feelings in a journal. An emotions wheel can also help you name and navigate through more complicated emotions. Remember that you don’t have to process these feelings alone—if you’re struggling, consider working with a coach, a mental health professional, or a psychologist. 

4. Create a mental fitness plan. 

If you're questioning your identity, grounding yourself in a mental fitness practice can help. Mental fitness is the ability to stay aware of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors—and to respond with intention, even in moments of uncertainty. It creates space for reflection, clarity, and growth.

Maybe you’re ready to spend less time in stress cycles and more time living in alignment with what matters to you. Or maybe you’re exploring old roles and beliefs that no longer fit. Committing to regular Inner Work® (the practice of tuning in, building awareness, and choosing supportive habits) can strengthen your resilience and help you move forward with greater self-understanding and purpose.

5. Enlist the help of a coach. 

A coach can help you navigate life’s unexpected challenges and shifts. They can help you get to the root of your identity disturbance, resolve inner conflict, and suggest behaviors that align with your long-term growth. 

If you're feeling unsure about who you are, working with a coach can give you clarity and direction. They’ll support you through the confusion of an identity crisis, give you concrete tools to ease your anxiety, and guide you toward the next stage of your personal growth.

6. Stay optimistic about what the future holds. 

An identity crisis could be one of the best things that ever happened to you. 

Perhaps you lost your job, but you always wanted to write a book. Chase that dream. Maybe you're going through a challenging divorce or breakup. The perfect partner may come along when you least expect them. 

You can't control what happens to you, but you can dial in your locus of control. You may not have chosen the hard thing, but you can still learn from the experience. Search for the positive moments in the middle of the mess. 

7. Journal daily.

Writing out feelings of anxiety and questions about your past beliefs can help you process your identity crisis. It can also help resolve confusion about your personality.

Better yet, journaling can take whatever form works best for you. You can write down your stream of consciousness in a notebook. Or, maybe you can write down three things you're grateful for daily. 

Regardless of how you journal, it can help you understand a life change, resolve the distress associated with it, and anchor in a new personal identity.

8. Revisit old hobbies.

As you age, it can be easy to drift from the hobbies you valued most as a child—the things that made you, you. The sense of distance and lack of identity this brings is only heightened in an identity crisis.

Start small, choosing 1-2 hobbies you'd like to pick up again. If none of your old interests sound exciting, that's okay—you can start fresh. For example, if you've always wanted to learn to rock climb, an identity crisis might just be the perfect time to try something new.

Getting professional support for an identity crisis

It’s important to know when you need professional help for an identity crisis. If your identity crisis is affecting your day-to-day life, your focus at work, or your relationships, consider enlisting some extra support. 

Here are a few professional treatment options: 

Talk therapy 

Talk therapy can help tremendously when experiencing an identity crisis. Talk therapy enables you to seek guidance from a neutral third party, such as a psychologist or other mental health professional. 

Talk therapy can help you identify the root cause of your identity crisis. With your therapist’s support, you can process past experiences and re-center and re-ground you in who you are. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy 

Sometimes, evidence-based therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy are needed. With CBT, you can work with a trained therapist or mental health professional to help identify and change thought patterns.

If you feel an influx of negative automatic thoughts, talk to your doctor or therapist. It might be worth exploring cognitive behavioral therapy. 

Coaching 

While therapy helps you process emotions and past experiences, coaching focuses on what’s next. If you’re struggling with a career shift, major life transition, or simply feeling lost, a coach can provide the structure and accountability you need to move forward. 

A coach’s job is to help you set clear, achievable goals, build confidence, and take tangible steps toward a future that feels fulfilling and authentic. When combined with therapy or other mental health support (if needed), coaching offers a practical, forward-looking approach to resolving your identity crisis and regaining stability. 

BetterUp helps you find trained coaches who can serve as supplemental support during an identity crisis. Our coaches can help you process big life changes like grief, career transitions, job loss, and more.

Support groups 

There’s power in numbers. Support groups connect you with people who are experiencing something similar to you. They can offer a strong sense of community and shared identity. 

For example, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) hosts a variety of support groups that can help you work through an identity crisis, whatever its root cause. For example, if you've recently lost a loved one and are experiencing depression, you can join a grief support group.

How to navigate a future identity crisis

Maybe you recently got married after spending years on your own and are struggling with role confusion. Maybe you've wondered who you are since adolescence, resulting in identity diffusion.

Life changes are inevitable. We all grow up, start new relationships, lose family members, shift careers.

Challenging as it might be, it is possible to stay grounded when your life is changing or you feel an identity crisis is happening. You can:

• Learn to embrace change and increase resilience
• Stay grounded in your values and beliefs
• Lean on relationships with family members and friends
• Exercise daily to improve physical well-being and health
• Eat nourishing, whole foods
• Journal about your thoughts and experiences
• Seek guidance from a mental health professional to heal from trauma
• Get support from a BetterUp coach

Start finding your true self 

Identity issues aren’t uncommon. And sometimes, it feels like that existential crisis is looming. We might feel the signs of an identity crisis coming on after a major life event or traumatic experience. Some might laugh it off as a midlife crisis. Young people or young adults might dismiss it as a growing pain of life. 

But the reality is, identity crises have a huge impact on our mental health and wellbeing. And at one point, we might all ask ourselves the question, “Who am I?” 

Tap into your self-awareness. What about your personality development has changed? What about your identity development has changed? And in what ways can you use this crisis as an opportunity for growth and development? 

With BetterUp, you can reach your full potential. A coach can help guide you through your emotions, thoughts, and feelings. And with some support, you can find a stable footing at the core of who you are.